I really didn’t expect to lose any weight this week. I feel lucky just to have made it through everything in one mentally healthy piece. Everything came tumbling at me at once and I’m so happy that I’ve been able to keep my head afloat with relative ease… and lots of whining… and a bit of tea.
Between being a one- lady-department-of-four at work, my step-father going into the hospital for surgery on his spine, me spending all weekend in the hospital with him and my mom, the usual in voice lessons and therapy, getting a foot of my hair chopped off, and my evening intruder resuming his role as evening intruder (this time waking me up, the douche!); I haven’t gotten much sleep and I’m exhausted.
A brain deadness has settled on me and it’s probably going to take a day and a half of sleep (straight) to get rid of it. This week has been really eventful and I totally woke up this morning feeling like it was Friday because it’s been so busy. I was slightly heartbroken when I realized that it was only Wednesday. I got myself up, pouted, and got on the scale, though. I just feel like it’s really redundant to be going to work AGAIN. I did that yesterday. Why do I have to keep doing it over and over again?
Lately I’ve had this kind of stabby feeling in my stomach. I think it’s mostly from the fact that I made a very drastic switch from eating only homemade organic food (yup, I’m one of those people now) to eating hospital food. You might only recognize a slight difference when you switch to high quality food sources but you DEFINITELY notice a difference when you switch back.
My stomach has been trying to exorcise the fillers and preservatives for the last few days. With my step-father just out of the hospital now, it makes things much easier to get back on track with almost everything and cook my own meals again.
Much like the last time I was nurse-maid in the hospital, I learned an incredible amount about myself and my family. Last time I came back numb and broken but this time I found a strength I had no idea I had.
I found myself decisive and authoritative at the times my mom and step-dad needed it the most. Post surgery, he wasn’t doing well for a while. We were worried about a number of things and suddenly his spine was the least of our concerns.
Sometime in the next few days I’ll go into this deeper because I think what I saw was really important to share but that will be a long post and I don’t think I should try to combine it with this one.
For now I’ll just say that this year I’m neither numb nor broken. I’m not dying yet afraid to drink and escape. I’m not counting down to the next time I can go dancing and be engulfed in the feel of the music. I’m carrying on with the ins and outs of my daily life and I’m doing really well.
Let’s talk goals!
Last week I didn’t make any goals because I was struggling to find enough time to get that mini post out so I don’t have anything to review. I think that this week is going to be all about getting back on track and into the swing of things, so they’ll be a bit redundant from past weeks.
This Week’s Goals
1. Cook meals ahead – I ran out of precooked meals and that was the primary reason I was eating hospital food in the first place. I’m completely out of my convenient little Tupperware meals and I’m going to need to spend some time restocking. Even at work I’ve been ordering delivery because I’ve been too busy to leave (see the aforementioned one-woman-team-of-four) and I didn’t have any prepared meals at work with me. While I’ve been ordering healthy things, there are still fillers and whatnot in anything you order, um, anywhere.
2. Drink less coffee – I don’t even like coffee but I drink it partly as an energy booster and partly out of habit now. Actually, it’s not that I don’t like coffee but I really don’t like Caffe Vita coffee and that’s what we have here at work. It always tastes burnt to me. After watching someone go through withdrawals, I’d rather not be reliant on anything that would have that effect on me if I had to stop consuming it. I’m not going to cut it out just yet but I will impose a cut on it. Baby steps.
3. Get back to the gym – I haven’t been to the gym because I’ve barely had enough time to sleep. I’ve always made it a policy that if I have to choose between sleep and exercise, I choose sleep. I can function pretty well and still lose weight without exercise but I CANNOT function well and lose weight without enough sleep. Despite that rule, I want to make sure that my gym attendance doesn’t suffer too much.
And so; back to life, back to progress, and NO MORE HOSPITAL FOOD. What are your goals for this week?