The Scene: At lunch with unnamed other.

We sit down to eat our taco salads. I take a few bites before the heat of the salsa and seasoning gets to me and I have to take a drink.

Me: Whew, that’s a little spicier than I expected it to be.

Unnamed other: You thought that was spicy? Really?

Me: …

Unnamed other: I mean, you even have any jalapenos in it.

Me: …

Unnamed other: I eat stuff much more spicy than this all the time.

Me: Yeah, I just don’t really like super spicy food.

Unnamed other: But this isn’t even THAT spicy. You really can’t handle much, can you?

Me: blinking while considering whether or not punching them would get me fired

End Scene

This is a dance I go through at least three times a year. I don’t mean to sound rude or anything but f*ck off.

Why is spicy food almost a status symbol? It’s not like people will mock you for not liking sour food. Amendment: In second grade we did used to mock other kids who couldn’t handle certain super sour candy. Then again, we also picked our noses, so we weren’t exactly shining examples.

My Danish/Canadian Native American genetics are not properly equipped to handle a lot of heat. My Peruvian step family loves this. I love eating without commentary on my food preferences.

Okay, I do like food with a good combination of spices and flavors but I just don’t need the heat. I’m just going to say it. I think that heat is a cop out. It’s a substitution for flavor and creativity.

Anyone can throw some Tabasco or Habanera sauce in a dish and call it a day but it takes an understanding of flavor and the palate to make a flavorful dish with depths of different flavors. That’s what I want.

Confession: When I was younger I read an article that said spicy foods would speed up my metabolism. For a few months I desperately ate every spicy item I could stomach. Then I had the bright idea of simply adding barbecue sauce to everything. Brilliant, right?

The Result: I didn’t lose any weight but now no longer like barbecue sauce either.

Why do people comment on other people’s food in general? Isn’t that rude? I really can’t stand it when people discuss my food choices or other people’s food choices. It wasn’t anyone’s business when I wanted to have ramen and coke for lunch and it still isn’t anyone business when I decide to have a salad or chicken and Brussels sprouts for dinner.

This is the kind of behavior that makes me want to buy a really big ring or four, put them on, and then bitch slap the commenter.

So my lovely readers, any stories about people making stupid comments about your food? Do you like spicy food or are you a wimp like me? Let me hear your stories because I can totally empathize!