We’ve talked about how much I like being naked, right? I mean, what did you think was going to happen once I got my own apartment without the birds objectifying my naked ass?

Besides the impromptu dance parties in my living room, I mean.

Oh yes, we will be naked.

And by we, I mean me.

It took me all of 28 seconds after getting home last Monday night to be walking around sans clothing. Why not? I dropped those blinds and dropped my pants.

Free at last!

There’s something about doing small tasks naked that make you feel all kinds of mischievous. You’re not just getting a glass of milk, you’re doing it naked! Washing dishes suddenly becomes kind of sexy. Hanging up that shelf feels even more badass. It totally brings out the giggling little girl in me. You know, that little girl who wore jeans, a tutu, her bathing suit, and a tiara and thought she was totally fashionable.

Unfortunately, the awesome wore off when I walked into the bathroom. My bathroom mirror is huge. When standing on the other side of the bathroom I can see almost my whole body. I appreciate this quality when I’m clothed. Naked, though, is another story. Between the big mirror and the all too high quality lighting, I could see every flaw on my body.

That pooch I’ve been agonizing over? It felt like it was glaring back at me. The body negative thoughts that shot through me don’t merit repeating but it felt more than slightly withering. So, I stared at myself for a few minutes; analyzing every lump. I agonized, wondering how anyone could be attracted to me. I poked and pulled at various spots.

Then I stepped back and looked again. How could I not love this body? True, I’m losing weight evenly and I do have excess skin but still… with all the things I can do now… I thought back to how my body looked last year and how, in the uneven shrinking of it, real curves have started appearing. I reminded myself that I was still in progress. This is not the end result.

And so I did the only logical thing to do when you’re in the bathroom naked. I took a bath. It was lovely.

Then I spent the next week in states “I might be dying.”

Once I started feeling better, though, my naked antics returned… and I learned a few things about what one must do before stripping down at home.

1. Lock the deadbolt. True, random people don’t burst through my door but still, unless that sucker is bolted there will be unceasing fits of paranoia. Every. little. noise.

2. Don’t forget to lower the blinds. Obvious, right? Not for someone who didn’t used to have a window looking out over a major city block. And my window now? Not a window, but a wall.

Oh hello people across the way in the emergency services housing who saw me dancing (clothed) and waved at me before I fell on the floor laughing. Why yes, I do think I’ll pull down my blinds before I start walking around naked.

I actually didn’t really think about it one evening when I started to walk into my living room before realizing what I was about to do and flinging myself back into my bedroom to put something on. I’m not that kind of attention whore.

3. The only thing you should cook naked, unless you are wearing an apron, is cereal.

4. Probably don’t tell your houseguests, “Oh, that’s the best chair. I like to sit there when I’m naked.” Actually, do tell them that if you don’t want them visiting again. For the record, I don’t actually have a chair or couch yet so you don’t have to worry.

Now spill it! Surely you have some interesting stories about hanging out naked and/or mishaps because of it!! Gimme the gossip!

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