Warning: I’m on a soapbox today.

Body image and beauty has been on my mind for the last few weeks more than usual. Let’s just be honest, it’s because a boy likes me. Like, he’s attracted to me. There are times where I just want to say WTF, this isn’t normal. Usually shortly after those times I realize that I ought to be backhanded for such thoughts.

No, I don’t need a volunteer.

This morning, though, I started going through my usual list of blogs that I obsessively stalk read and saw that Laura was posting on Hollaback today. I mean, I should know the schedule but I usually don’t.

She’s talking about media mishaps, specifically about TLC’s Say Yes To The Dress: Big Bliss.

Granted, I haven’t seen the show yet (I’m going to go home and see if I can find it On Demand), but just reading about it makes me want to say a lot of words that would get me fired.

Maybe this is why I shouldn’t read blogs at work… Nah.

I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I’ve been told that I’m “beautiful for a fat girl” or that I’d be sooooo hot if I were thin. Bite me, bitches.

The problem is, though, that I believe those statements. I mean, the snarky firecracker that I am refutes it and would cut a bitch for saying that to me now, but deep down I do still believe it.

Why else would I be surprised when an athletic, really good looking boy thinks that I’m pretty?

It’s a little sickening to admit but even worse to keep a secret. I’m not the only woman who feels this way. I’m sure that I’m not the only fat girl who’s subconsciously thought that there is a distinction between “fat beauty” and “thin beauty” with the former being less valid and inferior to the later.

My thin friends tell me that it’s ridiculous, my fat friends get it. They’ve experienced the backhanded compliments and the realization that a guy probably won’t be interested in them just because of their size. They know that a larger size comes with more complications than finding pants that fit right. It comes with an immediate write off from some people.

You might say that anyone who would write somebody off because of their size isn’t worth your time anyway, but it sucks to be confronted with that on a daily basis. It eats away at you and makes you have to wonder before meeting people which category they will fit into. It means that I can’t just get someone’s attention by being cute; I have to be charming too. It’s a lot more work!

It all boils down to the fact that I/we view myself/ourselves differently because of our size. That sucks.

You have no idea how much I look forward to the day when I no longer have to hear someone say things like, “When you lose some weight, you’ll totally be a catch.”

Suck it.

I need to clean out my mental space, that’s my responsibility, but shows like this don’t help. Clearly, I need to exercise my choice to not watch it but it still angers me because it perpetuates the idea that we fatties are a subset of society.

So, please do check out Laura’s post today and holler back at both her and me. I want to hear what you all think about these issues.

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Libby October 20, 2010, 8:46 pm

I love this, and I think it's an incredibly brave and honest post.

I have a really hard time admitting when I internalize nasty messages from the media/stupid, insensitive people because I feel like I should be better than that. It's a messy place to be, but it's real.

Thank you for this post.

Angela @ A Healthy Fit October 20, 2010, 8:58 pm

Great post Kendra! I know that in high school, I was a little larger than those cutsie cheerleaders. I had broad shoulders from swimming and I could have stood to lose 15lbs or so. Since college and losing those 15-20lbs, I still see or feel like the broad shouldered, heavier me. I'm out of the dating game now, but I remember in high school my dad telling me that it was ok, I was just voluptious (or some crap). To me that meant fat and it was the reason that no one wanted to date me. I'm totally on your side of the soap box!

Lori October 20, 2010, 9:15 pm

I'm about to put up a post on my own blog about this. I shouldn't be baffled by the anger you feel because several years ago I was there, in the flaming red, railing against such unfairness. But I am. Such anger…

I hope that some day you can just let it go. I'm so much happier now that I really just let it go, cuz it is so tiring to try to change people who just won't.


queerveganrunner October 20, 2010, 9:33 pm

I was reading blogs when your post popped up, just published. I've read it a few times since then, trying to think of how to respond in a way that does proper justice to the honesty of this. I am really moved by your honesty and anger. I have coped with/am coping with some stuff that I guess one could call disfiguring and I too have thought, I am beautiful despite and I've heard it from people I have dated, from strangers, from relatives, and from doctors. I feel kind of powerless against it and I think as a result I focus on my weight, which is not as real an issue as these other things but feels safer for that very reason. I would be happy to chat about this further if you ever want to…just shoot me an email!

MelissaNibbles October 20, 2010, 9:39 pm

Wow. Great post. I'm not sure of exactly what to say. Just know that you're not alone in these feelings and everyone has felt this way at one point no matter what their size. All I know is I'm sick of shows that focus on weight and there seems to be a hell of a lot of them on tv. The media tells us to love our bodies one day, then puts on a show singling people out for not fitting into a certain mold. It's bullsh*t.

jrouser October 20, 2010, 10:02 pm

The hollarback post inspired me to post about this issue too. Yours does it more justice though. My thin friends really don't understand my conflicted feelings about this issue. "such a pretty fat…" blech. Suck it Trebek!

SherRon, Shoes To Lose October 20, 2010, 10:31 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I always felt that for a fat girl, I was pretty darn attractive. If men wanted junk in the trunk, I was the pretty girl for them. However, Now that I'm losing my junk and entering the non-plus sized world, I'm worried that I'll lose what made me pretty. There are completely different standards when you're smaller.

Anyway…..Say yes to the dress big bliss rocks my world. I cannot say anything bad about it. 🙂

Chantel October 21, 2010, 1:23 am

Wow, great post and I feel the same. What resinates with me mostly is:

It all boils down to the fact that I/we view myself/ourselves differently because of our size.

I commend you for being so brave and posting this and talking about your true feelings. Well done x

Katie October 22, 2010, 1:13 am

This was so honest, and probably good to get it out there in writing. Yeah physical factors can attract some people.. hmm like "nice tits." Oh thanks a-hole, you must be my future husband. But no one wants to be focused on for that and that alone. Anyhow, love how well you know yourself and believe it.