Warning: I’m on a soapbox today.
Body image and beauty has been on my mind for the last few weeks more than usual. Let’s just be honest, it’s because a boy likes me. Like, he’s attracted to me. There are times where I just want to say WTF, this isn’t normal. Usually shortly after those times I realize that I ought to be backhanded for such thoughts.
No, I don’t need a volunteer.
This morning, though, I started going through my usual list of blogs that I
obsessively stalk read and saw that Laura was posting on Hollaback today. I mean, I should know the schedule but I usually don’t.
She’s talking about media mishaps, specifically about TLC’s Say Yes To The Dress: Big Bliss.
Granted, I haven’t seen the show yet (I’m going to go home and see if I can find it On Demand), but just reading about it makes me want to say a lot of words that would get me fired.
Maybe this is why I shouldn’t read blogs at work… Nah.
I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I’ve been told that I’m “beautiful for a fat girl” or that I’d be sooooo hot if I were thin. Bite me, bitches.
The problem is, though, that I believe those statements. I mean, the snarky firecracker that I am refutes it and would cut a bitch for saying that to me now, but deep down I do still believe it.
Why else would I be surprised when an athletic, really good looking boy thinks that I’m pretty?
It’s a little sickening to admit but even worse to keep a secret. I’m not the only woman who feels this way. I’m sure that I’m not the only fat girl who’s subconsciously thought that there is a distinction between “fat beauty” and “thin beauty” with the former being less valid and inferior to the later.
My thin friends tell me that it’s ridiculous, my fat friends get it. They’ve experienced the backhanded compliments and the realization that a guy probably won’t be interested in them just because of their size. They know that a larger size comes with more complications than finding pants that fit right. It comes with an immediate write off from some people.
You might say that anyone who would write somebody off because of their size isn’t worth your time anyway, but it sucks to be confronted with that on a daily basis. It eats away at you and makes you have to wonder before meeting people which category they will fit into. It means that I can’t just get someone’s attention by being cute; I have to be charming too. It’s a lot more work!
It all boils down to the fact that I/we view myself/ourselves differently because of our size. That sucks.
You have no idea how much I look forward to the day when I no longer have to hear someone say things like, “When you lose some weight, you’ll totally be a catch.”
I need to clean out my mental space, that’s my responsibility, but shows like this don’t help. Clearly, I need to exercise my choice to not watch it but it still angers me because it perpetuates the idea that we fatties are a subset of society.
So, please do check out Laura’s post today and holler back at both her and me. I want to hear what you all think about these issues.
I love this, and I think it's an incredibly brave and honest post.
I have a really hard time admitting when I internalize nasty messages from the media/stupid, insensitive people because I feel like I should be better than that. It's a messy place to be, but it's real.
Thank you for this post.