I was so ridiculously inspired by Rachel’s post The Thing About Body Image and the resulting What Do You (Seriously & Officially) Own? . I knew that I wanted to participate but wasn’t sure what to own that I hadn’t already here. I mean, how many more secrets can I have? I kind of shot my wad in my Hi, My Name Is Kendra page and The Back Story Posts. It dawned on me, though, that it wasn’t necessarily what I needed to tell but what I needed to own up to and stop doing because 1) It’s fucking annoying to all of us and 2) because it does absolutely nothing for my self confidence.

I seriously and officially own that I constantly justify and explain myself to others. What I mean is that I can’t just make a statement and let it stand. I feel like I need to tell why I’m making that statement, explain where I’m coming from, and make people see that this is a reasonable way for me to feel in light of past and current circumstances. Well, I’m owning that I am what I am. Sorry I’m not sorry.

I have no qualms about the fact that I am dirty and immature. I’m a bit of a pistol sometimes and the enthusiasm I bring to my perkiness in daily life I also bring to taking a bitch down a peg or two. I have faith and am a Christian but I will never go into full time ministry or be one of those “Let me tell you about my friend Jesus” people. I’m not all rainbows and butterflies. I love being the queen of TMI. (and on that note…) I’m thoroughly content in my decision to not have sex until I’m married but I don’t think that others have to wait. That’s right, I’m a Christian that thinks we make sex too big of a deal.

Sorry I’m not sorry.

I also love to dance and act totally skanky. I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to food, clothes, jewelry, alcohol, shoes, books, and a whole host of other things. I love philosophy and am a total nerd in some ways. I speak like a Valley Girl even though I’ve never lived in the Valley. My ideal of beauty is the ballerina body. I don’t always like my body or myself. I still want to cut myself sometimes. I struggle with not wanting to eat sometimes. Other times I want to get into an eating contest with a hippo. I know what my issues are and I’m working on them. I miss typos.

Sorry I’m not sorry.

I’ll never fit into any box or classification properly and I don’t care. Justifying and explaining myself has only lead to self doubt and insecurity. So, this is the last post in which I will explain myself. If you see my do otherwise, call my ass out on it.

I’m still working on my shit. Posting this in a fury of “Yes we can!” pride isn’t going to make my insecurity and self doubt go away, but it’s a step in the right direction. (It’s true, as I write this I worry what people will think of it.)

I’ve justified and explained the hell out of myself and now I’m done. None of you asked for the explanations, it was just me projecting my own shit. So, I guess that I’m really saying to myself as much as to the world, sorry I’m not sorry.

Sorry I’m not sorry Kendra but you are who you are. Own it. Stop being a little bitch. Nobody likes the little whiny kid begging for approval.