On the eve of the eve of the new regime I went grocery shopping. Neurotically and schemingly, I went to two different stores to find the best deals. I started at QFC where I like to shop because it is a bit more upscale and they have more options for natural and organic items. As I went through the aisles looking for my items I noted down in my keyboard phone the prices of everything. Some things I bought and some I noted the price for comparison elsewhere.

I also went in wearing earphones because I knew that this was going to be a long trip and I wanted to make sure that I stayed on task. Music helps me do that and prevents me from talking to myself. The only down side was that I did want to dance. I may have done so just a little bit.

I got all the vegetables that I needed along with some baby shrimp for salads, took a look at all of the meat, took notes on costs, and got a small “Last Supper” treat.

Toward the end of my QFC adventure, I was looking at the cucumbers wondering if I should just buy one there or if I should wait and get one at Safeway. I ended up buying one there because I grabbed one that was just so perfect looking. “This is one sexy cucumber,” I thought to myself and then immediately realized how dirty that sounded and snickered like a twelve year old as I bought my cucumber.

I will enjoy it starting tomorrow.

In a salad!

After that, I went over to Safeway to grab some slightly less expensive items and compare prices of everything I had noted in my cell phone notes. I realized that the produce as safeway just doesn’t have the same beautiful, lush, rich quality to it that the QFC produce has. I got my things and left.

Today I went back to QFC for the things that were, in fact, less expensive there. Neurotic, I know, but I am so poor right now that I couldn’t even afford to buy any meat. I was going to get some chicken and fish, but I only have $1 left in my wallet and five days until I get paid.

I had a very good last free food day today but am looking forward to the new regime and for the Expedition for the Hourglass. I’m also ridiculously nervous. WHAT IF I FAIL AND HAVE WASTED ALL THAT MONEY ON FOOD AND SUPPLIES AND WHAT IF I’M JUST A FATTY WITH NO HOPE???? What if the scale just refuses to budge or if I just don’t have the strength to change, what if I just can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t. HolycrapI’msoscared.

All of that is brewing somewhere deep down and yet at the surface I feel rather calm. I am quite good at fragmenting my emotions like that and only experiencing the chosen pieces. I don’t think that this is actually healthy but sometime it comes in handy.

Weigh in tomorrow. YIKES! Pictures will have to wait a day or so, though, until I can get my hands on a camera.

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