I learned some very valuable lessons this Thanksgiving. Being of a tactile learning style, this mostly meant trial and oh-shit-did-I-really-just-do/say-that. Here’s a few of the handy little lessons I learned.

1. Thanksgiving at my family’s place will go on no matter what. Lack of bay leaves, missing can openers, burned hands, and one very small oven will not stop my mother and me from making the same meal we’ve been making for the last 23 years. The show will go on and there will be obscure recipes from a 50 year old Betty Crocker cookbook.

2. Even if you’ve decided on a later dinner and therefore don’t have to get up early the next morning, it is not a good idea to down copious amounts of Sweet Tea Vodka on Wednesday night; proceed to attempt to Gchat, Facebook, tweet, text, and call everyone who comes to mind; and then try to start a conversation with a sleeping boy about I-don’t-even-remember-what when there is also someone else sleeping in the room.

3. The morning after the aforementioned (and totally hypothetical) incident, eggs and a good cup of tea are necessary recovery tools. Snow be damned, you will walk to the store to get more tea. Also drink a mimosa or two.

4. Just because this is the first time you got drunk and made a total ass of yourself doesn’t mean it’s the first time anyone else has seen someone do this. You’ll be judging yourself much more harshly than anyone else will judge you.

5. Older sisters just plain know shit. Trying to be evasive will not be successful. Trying not to glance in the direction of someone while trying to be evasive, also, will not be successful. Trying to act nonchalant when your older sister has figured shit out and questions you for all the details, again, will not be successful.

6. No matter how much you swore at the pie crust that wouldn’t fucking cooperate when you were trying to assemble the goddamn blueberry pie (that is an absurd Thanksgiving desert and who the fuck does that???), when you are being praised for your fabulous dinner, you’ll still think it’s worth it.

7. It’s not the size of the kitchen that matters; it’s how you use it. You may end up converting every square inch of free space in the apartment into pseudo-counter space but you can and WILL make it work.

8. Drunk men should stay the fuck out of the kitchen.

9. Having your niece and new lover in the same room feels really strange. It feels even stranger when she starts calling him dada. You may have the urge to let the Little Owl know that no, she will not be getting any cousins from you. Ever.

10. After making a feast, eating the feast, and navigating the minefield that is the family function; it’s totally normal to feel so knackered that you just want to curl up on the floor and doze off. It’s also totally acceptable to do so.

11. There’s something really amazing about falling asleep (not on the floor any longer) to the rhythm of someone’s breath on your shoulder. It’s also pretty amazing to wake up and see their face in a half smile while they are sleeping. This person might be ruining your love for sleeping alone.

So, any lessons learn at your Thanksgiving?

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