Confession: I’m still struggling to eat. Somehow, as I’m trying to reach out to my family for accountability, they don’t see it as a problem. They tell me that it’s better than if I were gaining weight again. They’re missing the point. Whether weight gain or loss is the result, disordered eating is never a good thing.

On Friday night I decided to take advantage of my empty stomach and get tipsy on less alcohol that is usually necessary. It was a money saving measure, I decided. After that, a hilarious series of unfortunate events occurred.

So, I got to the club earlier than usual and got a drink. The dance floor wasn’t open yet but I was taking the opportunity to sit, drink, and absorb the atmosphere before searching for the person I was going to meet up with. I went into the bathroom to check my makeup and appearance and decided that my right bra strap was a little loose. I started to tighten it and… it snapped.

Yes, my bra strap just snapped and I had no tools to do anything about it. I stood, wide eyed with shock staring in the mirror before bursting out laughing.

“Well, I know what I’m doing tomorrow,” I thought, “bra shopping!”

Then it occurred too me that I had to do something about the situation tonight so that it would possibly, hopefully, go unnoticed. Remembering that the large bathroom had things like safety pins, mouth wash, lotion, and other little goodies, I made a beeline for the other room.

Unfortunately I was stopped by an unsympathetic bouncer who told me that that area was still closed. I told him that I just needed something from the bathroom but he said that except for coat check, no one could go in that room. I plead my case, telling him that I just needed something from that bathroom but he stood his ground, laughing at me. If he hadn’t been so damn good looking it would have been infuriating!

When he told me for the last time that I could only enter that area if I was going to coat check, I blurted out, “I can’t check my coat until I get a safety pin, I had a wardrobe malfunction!!” In response to which he laughed at me again and told me I had to wait until 11:00pm. Douche.

I ran upstairs and found my favorite bartender, whined to her, and asked if she had any safety pins. She rifled through some things and found one.

Thanking her and promising her my first child, I ran back downstairs to the bathroom to pin myself in place. The fucking safety pin was too flimsy, though. It bent and then broke while I was trying to stab it through the fabric. I jumped up and down in expiration before remembering that I was not properly supported and should not do such a thing.

After some thought, I managed to maneuver things into place in such a way that the strap would stay together for the night. Success! I then took off my coat, walked past the bouncer to coat check, and gave him a half smiling dirty look on the way there. After all that I of course needed another drink.

The night progressed with lots of giggling, a few tipsy texting incidents, getting yelled at a few more times by a few of the bouncers, and finally finding my friend. As I told you all about a month ago, I do what I’m told. This is especially true then the voice of authority is blaring from the speakers telling this Shorty to get low. So, this Shorty did get low… and then this Shorty got stuck.

Shit man, I spent nine years perfecting my plies and grand plies and this shit should not be happening. I went low and I couldn’t bounce back. I managed to use the crevices in the wall to pull myself up with my arm strength while making it look that I was staying low for a long time on purpose.

Ah yes, and we come full circle back to the problem of not eating enough. There is no reason why I shouldn’t have the leg strength to get back up. I’ve been much less steady on my feet and much more tired and done so without any problems.

So, if for no other reason, I’ve got to get enough to eat to prevent that hot mess from happening again. On that note, let’s talk goals.

This Week’s Goals

Eat! I won’t expect perfection again right away but I will try to get as close as possible to my old eating schedule.

Back to the gym: I haven’t been to the gym in a few weeks. Last week was really busy but still, that’s just an excuse. I think I’ll go for getting there twice since I do have plans for a few evenings this week.

Budget: This summer I found myself no longer scraping the bottom of the barrel for money, which means I also found myself shopping way more than necessary just because I could. I’m trying to make some major changes, though, so this week I’m putting myself on a “no impulse purchase” leash. Then I’ll look at how much I really need to spend on things and make decisions accordingly.

Have you ever had any awkward wardrobe malfunctions? Please tell me all the details! What are your goals for the week?

PS. I realize that I am, in fact, far too white to be calling myself Shorty.

Leave a Comment

Angela October 18, 2010, 6:18 pm

Kendra girl, what kind of bras are you wearing? I had that happen, but the support from the band kept things in place – unless I jumped.

Kendra October 18, 2010, 6:37 pm

It was a Victoria's Secret Secret Embrace but it was also really old.

Angela @ A Healthy FIt October 18, 2010, 6:55 pm

This story is awesome! Not the struggling to eat part, but the bra strap part. Too funny. Good thing you were able to MacGyver things back together.

I can't remember a wardrobe malfunction, but on long runs I almost had a lot of poop malfunctions. Is that TMI?

Kendra October 18, 2010, 6:56 pm

There is no such thing as TMI on my blog!

Rachel Wilkerson October 18, 2010, 10:29 pm

Good lord to every part of that story!!

Adam Underhill October 19, 2010, 5:30 am

I love the blog and the effort! I too am working on losing weight and find your goals to be right on track. I teach people about "finances" for a living and as I was going through my weight loss journey realized their is a connection to our wealth through our health. Check out my site and

Best of luck!

Reply October 19, 2010, 6:03 pm

Lord,what a wardrobe malfunction! I don't think I would have kept my cool as well as you did. I used to have that problem with just not eating. My family was the same way…all "Good for you!" Even after I passed out after a long run. Sigh. Now, my husband is my person to remind me…which he does too much 🙂

Pieholes & Plyos October 20, 2010, 4:52 pm

My wardrobe issues involved 3 things you mention in your post: a bra, jumping, and the gym. I had forgotten my sports bra so had to step aerobicize in my regular bra & T-shirt. The bra did not like this idea and 'popped' halfway through class. I actually tried to push through, but it was super uncomfortable and I kept worrying I would jump just wrong enough that my shirt would fly up and expose a whole lot more than a purple polka dotted Target especiale.

marisol October 23, 2010, 3:26 am

Well first, congrats on your weight loss. You are doing great. And I hear you on not eating enough. I was going to go a party the other night and decided to save my POINTS for my adult beverages. I barely ate that day. Bad move on my part but it was a lesson learned.