…Or How To Fail Completely

Although I was originally going to wait until this weekend to recap my first week of the Change It Up Challenge, I decided that last night’s class 100% required its own post. Here’s the story:

As I (think) I said before, I hate group fitness classes so last night I was procrastinating as much as possible before leaving for Zumba. Knowing I was going to be late (fail #1), I got my stuff and bolted out the door. I only ended up being about ten minutes late because of strategically changing my socks and easier things in the car, elevator, while running into class.

Because I was running late, though, I forgot to grab a hair band and was left with just my hair claw to use. Those things fall out so easily though (fail #2). I did have my cheesy Rainbow Bright headband with me though (score!) so I sported that as well.

Upon entering the class, the first thing I noticed was our instructor. She had a huge tattoo across the hump on her back. I guess that you might as well decorate if you can’t hide it. She was at least in her sixties with a huge amount of make up on and lime green Miami Warm-up (or Windbreaker) pants… and then I realized that she was definitely once a he. Having had a close friend who underwent this procedure I can spot it pretty well.

If she had just been a senior wearing as much makeup as she was, shaking her lime green hips, it would have been really funny, but with the added elements, is it still allowed to be funny? Well, it was. At the very least it made everyone else much less self conscious to be doing those moves.

About half way through the class I became aware of the fact that I had not used the bathroom like I had reminded myself to absolutely do before going to class. Bouncing around like that is not kind on your bladder when it is full. I tried to stick it out but realized that I was wasting my time half-assing the moves and trying not to bust. I made a bee line for the bathroom (fail #3).

Even if it weren’t for the bladder issue I was destined to fail. I had not eaten since lunch and since I am supposed to be eating 6 meals of roughly 300 – 350 calories, this was a pretty major failure for my energy level (fail #4) and for making sure that I get enough calories. Let’s be honest, it’s pretty stupid for a 261lbs girl to go to an hour long fitness class having consumed less than 1000 calories so far that day. Really Kendra…

I made it through, though. When I got back into the locker room I suddenly realized that I also still had all of my makeup on (fail #5) and that I had been that girl. I’ve never intentionally worked out with makeup on… mostly because I’m afraid of my mascara running and me looking even worse. Surprisingly, it was all still in place. Because of that I’ve decided that Maybelline’s Lash Stiletto (you should have known by now that I’d wear that) deserves a big ass shout out.

It didn’t last through my shower, though. Afterward I was sporting the raccoon look with no makeup remover to be found (fail #6). I had left it at home. That always seems to happen when I bring my gym bag inside to wash my things.

Which reminds me, I also forgot to bring another pair of underwear to change into afterward. Gross. (fail #7) …and an after workout snack (fail #8).

After the class I headed to the grocery store to grab an after workout snack and up my calorie count for the day. I decided to try Coconut water again despite the sickly taste of the last one. I got one that had a “hint of passion fruit” added and it was good. I had started chugging just to get it down when I realized that I didn’t have to… I liked it.

So all in all it was a strange, failure filled night. Do I officially get to call myself a hot mess?

So, now that you’ve heard about my abysmal failure of a workout, tell me about yours! What’s the worst workout you’ve ever had? While you’re at it, check out this story of workout failure… Then come back.

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