Do you ever try so hard to figure something out that you miss the completely simple answer?
I missed a big one.
I’ve been agonizing over the whole, “Why do I freak out every time I get under 220lbs and sabotage myself?” and after probing through all the depths of my fears, insecurities, and the oddities of my psyche, I realized that I had missed something glaringly simple. Well, actually, I had missed two glaringly simple things, both of which I’ve known for a long time.
1. I’m afraid that I can’t sustain a lower weight.
2. I’m afraid of loose skin.
There isn’t really any psychoanalysis necessary here. The necessary analysis is what to do about these fears. I mean, they’re kind of valid. I have no intention of living a life of depravation just to be at a lower weight. My body’s pretty awesome at my current weight.
So, here’s what I’m considering; after my monthly measurements and weigh in on the 25th of this month, I might just ban my scale until the next round of measurements. I wonder what will happen when I don’t get to obsess over the number and, instead, just focus on the actions of eating well and restarting some sort of fitness regimen.
It feels like a really big risk to not keep track of progress but I guess the risk is an imaginary one if I’m still working on healthy habits.
Oh, and that two-days-after-Thanksgiving weigh in will be really fun, I’m sure. Really, though, one day of gluttony shouldn’t undo a month of work. I think I’ll be fine.
Anyway, let’s talk goals!
Last Week’s Goals
1. Walk up the hill – I walked up a hill, it wasn’t THE hill, but it was still a hill. Actually it was a much bigger hill than the originally intended hill. Last night I realized that I was going to have to wait a long time to catch my bus to the grocery store and that I hadn’t yet walked up the hill, so I decided to walk to the grocery store which, incidentally, involves climbing a particularly brutal hill. The whole walk is about ¾ of a mile and it felt really good to do. Starting with something low key was a good idea.
2. Get enough sleep – I’ve done okay at this one, not great, but okay. I didn’t log quite as many hours in bed as I should have but I am sleeping better than I had been. I’ve been working pretty hard on eliminating the things that have been making me so restless at night and I’m starting to see the difference. I guess I’ll call this one “satisfactory, but could use improvement.”
3. Get through the week without failing at the elimination diet – I distinctly did not fail at this goal. I’m surprised at how much of a mental challenge this one was. Physically, it’s easy to not eat dairy, grains, starch, or sugar. It’s also usually not much of a mental battle for me to not eat grains, starch, or sugar. Dairy, though, was a huge mental challenge. If I hadn’t allowed myself the exception of diet sodas and a fancy bottle of wine for the week, I wouldn’t have made it through. Letting myself have a few exceptions that were gimmes was definitely key to the mental part of the battle.
4. Drink lots of water – I don’t think I’m drinking as much water as I have in the past but I’m probably still drinking enough. While I could have done better with this goal, I’m fine with how I did do on it.
This Week’s Goals
1. Walk up another hill and take walking breaks – Last week I took a break just to walk around a loop in our neighborhood that was a quite pleasant walk. It made me wonder why I don’t do it more often. I mean, once it starts to rain it’s probably not going to happen but, until then, I should work this into my breaks. Also, I should tackle the originally intended hill this week. If only there were bacon at the top of it, it would be so much more motivating.
2. Continue elimination diet – As the sting of not being able to have coffee wears off I’d like to reduce the amount of gimmes I take with diet coke and artificial sweetener in my tea. I’m not going to make a rule against them by any means but I want to cut down on how much I use them to get through. I’ve been doing really well with sticking to what I set out to do and at ten days in I can feel a difference, which actually disappointed me. I love dairy. Despite that, I’m going to continue through this month and see how I feel at the end of it.
3. Clean up a bit – I really haven’t cleaned a damn thing since I got back from Texas and my apartment is a MESS. I definitely need to clean it up at least a little bit. Do laundry… all that jazz. So, maybe it’s time for an apartment cleaning solo dance party.
4. Do the solo dance party – I feel like back when I was exercising a lot, this was how I got most of my exercise despite running and doing strength training regularly. Pretty much every day I was turning on the music and dancing while I was doing pretty much anything. It doesn’t seem like exercise but my legs sure got a lot stronger from dropping it low.
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And so, another week without milk and the people in the building across the street are going to think I’m crazy. In other words, nothing’s new.
