Do you ever try so hard to figure something out that you miss the completely simple answer?
I missed a big one.
I’ve been agonizing over the whole, “Why do I freak out every time I get under 220lbs and sabotage myself?” and after probing through all the depths of my fears, insecurities, and the oddities of my psyche, I realized that I had missed something glaringly simple. Well, actually, I had missed two glaringly simple things, both of which I’ve known for a long time.
1. I’m afraid that I can’t sustain a lower weight.
2. I’m afraid of loose skin.
There isn’t really any psychoanalysis necessary here. The necessary analysis is what to do about these fears. I mean, they’re kind of valid. I have no intention of living a life of depravation just to be at a lower weight. My body’s pretty awesome at my current weight.
So, here’s what I’m considering; after my monthly measurements and weigh in on the 25th of this month, I might just ban my scale until the next round of measurements. I wonder what will happen when I don’t get to obsess over the number and, instead, just focus on the actions of eating well and restarting some sort of fitness regimen.
It feels like a really big risk to not keep track of progress but I guess the risk is an imaginary one if I’m still working on healthy habits.
Oh, and that two-days-after-Thanksgiving weigh in will be really fun, I’m sure. Really, though, one day of gluttony shouldn’t undo a month of work. I think I’ll be fine.
Anyway, let’s talk goals!
Last Week’s Goals
1. Walk up the hill – I walked up a hill, it wasn’t THE hill, but it was still a hill. Actually it was a much bigger hill than the originally intended hill. Last night I realized that I was going to have to wait a long time to catch my bus to the grocery store and that I hadn’t yet walked up the hill, so I decided to walk to the grocery store which, incidentally, involves climbing a particularly brutal hill. The whole walk is about ¾ of a mile and it felt really good to do. Starting with something low key was a good idea.
2. Get enough sleep – I’ve done okay at this one, not great, but okay. I didn’t log quite as many hours in bed as I should have but I am sleeping better than I had been. I’ve been working pretty hard on eliminating the things that have been making me so restless at night and I’m starting to see the difference. I guess I’ll call this one “satisfactory, but could use improvement.”
3. Get through the week without failing at the elimination diet – I distinctly did not fail at this goal. I’m surprised at how much of a mental challenge this one was. Physically, it’s easy to not eat dairy, grains, starch, or sugar. It’s also usually not much of a mental battle for me to not eat grains, starch, or sugar. Dairy, though, was a huge mental challenge. If I hadn’t allowed myself the exception of diet sodas and a fancy bottle of wine for the week, I wouldn’t have made it through. Letting myself have a few exceptions that were gimmes was definitely key to the mental part of the battle.
4. Drink lots of water – I don’t think I’m drinking as much water as I have in the past but I’m probably still drinking enough. While I could have done better with this goal, I’m fine with how I did do on it.
This Week’s Goals
1. Walk up another hill and take walking breaks – Last week I took a break just to walk around a loop in our neighborhood that was a quite pleasant walk. It made me wonder why I don’t do it more often. I mean, once it starts to rain it’s probably not going to happen but, until then, I should work this into my breaks. Also, I should tackle the originally intended hill this week. If only there were bacon at the top of it, it would be so much more motivating.
2. Continue elimination diet – As the sting of not being able to have coffee wears off I’d like to reduce the amount of gimmes I take with diet coke and artificial sweetener in my tea. I’m not going to make a rule against them by any means but I want to cut down on how much I use them to get through. I’ve been doing really well with sticking to what I set out to do and at ten days in I can feel a difference, which actually disappointed me. I love dairy. Despite that, I’m going to continue through this month and see how I feel at the end of it.
3. Clean up a bit – I really haven’t cleaned a damn thing since I got back from Texas and my apartment is a MESS. I definitely need to clean it up at least a little bit. Do laundry… all that jazz. So, maybe it’s time for an apartment cleaning solo dance party.
4. Do the solo dance party – I feel like back when I was exercising a lot, this was how I got most of my exercise despite running and doing strength training regularly. Pretty much every day I was turning on the music and dancing while I was doing pretty much anything. It doesn’t seem like exercise but my legs sure got a lot stronger from dropping it low.
And so, another week without milk and the people in the building across the street are going to think I’m crazy. In other words, nothing’s new.