Nowadays I usually hear my alarm go off in the morning, roll over, hit snooze, and take five minutes to get my brain functioning. I might check my email and Facebook on my cell phone, bemoaning my broken laptop and how much it costs me to do this in the morning now, think about what I’m going to wear, whether or not I’m working out, what I should cook, etc. When the five minute alarm goes off, I’m ready to start the day. I get up and go about my morning routine.

For the past several days, though, rather than this calm and automatic routine, I’ve simply rolled over, smacked my cell phone/alarm and bemoaned the fact that I had to be awake.

“Whyyyyyyyy do I have to be conscious???????? Whyyyyyyyy?”

Incidentally, I’ve also readopted the sleeping position I used as a baby and child. I lay on my stomach with my limbs sprawled around me. If you drew a chalk line around me it would totally look like a stereotypical crime scene.

It’s the closest I’d like to get to doing a cameo as a dead body on Law & Order thankyouverymuch.

Oh, and I’ve got white girl problems up the ying yang that aren’t remotely worthy of mention… which is why I’m going to bitch about them here. No really, some of these should never be verbalized, such as:

I forgot to check the tags of these four really cute tops I just bought at Express (because I can fit in their tops now!!!) and after I wore them I found out that they’re hand wash only. Who the hell has time to do hand wash only?!?!? Can’t I just pay someone else to do it for me?

My hair doesn’t feel right today because I ran out of my organic conditioner and had to use Tresemme (Microsoft Word spell check wanted to change this to “Threesome.” Clearly it thinks I’m a slut.) which made my hair all weighed down and not look quite right either.

Despite the fact that I have a good job that pays well with great coworkers, I want another job. I want something that pays a little higher and that allows me to use more of my skills. I want something that makes me excited about the day, not just excited to gossip about the weekend over lunch.

I’m not getting the new laptop I thought I might. I was going to try to “Franken-Computer” a few laptops to see if I could get one working but without the one that it all relied on it will be at least one more week without a laptop and extra charges for checking email and Facebook on my cell phone.

I should probably be slapped for each and every one of these.

I mean, first, really Kendra? Could you sound like any more of a spoiled rich girl? Seeing as you aren’t either, you really need to STFU on this one. Second, it’s only one day of my hair feeling different, is it really that big of a deal? Third, do you know what the unemployment rate is right now? You’re fucking lucky to have a damn job. Lastly, dude’s giving you a totally top of the line laptop for only the cost of replacing one part and you’re complaining? It’s probably for the best anyway because with the cramping you experienced this weekend you might have been too tempted to punch him. Hard.

I also have a few real and valid issues that are getting to me but those are so much less fun to discuss. One of them we’ll talk about tomorrow.

You’re probably wondering where the weigh in is for this week. There will be none. I accidentally-on-purpose forgot this morning. I decided that in light of all that’s been going on, I’m going to wait until 1/25 (the one year anniversary of this whole shenanigan) to start weigh-ins again. Oh, and I’m going to change my weigh in day to Sunday. I think.

Now, in the meantime, I’m trying to get over a painkiller hangover and not punch anyone.