As I said yesterday, since it was our first date I was trying to actually be appropriate. I was quite successful, thank you very much, until of course I opened my mouth.

Ahem… I was just meaning until I opened my mouth to speak. It’s an odd thing, you get two people in the room with an equally dirty and sarcastic sense of humor and things escalate a bit. While I may still be a pure virginal flower, my humor is not so much.
By a “escalate a bit” I mean we eventually came to the topic of “to spit or to swallow.” Appropriate, right? I tried to be approriate, I just failed. Appropriate is so overrated anyhow. Thank you Rachel for lending us all the ever useful phrase, sorry I’m not sorry.
Of course the boy was in favor of swallowing but I was unconvinced. I mean, why exactly is that hot? I really don’t get it. As it turns out, I also don’t really care. The explanation was as confusing as the original idea.
Interestingly, I had once heard that semen has a huge amount of vitamin C. Wouldn’t that make it good for you? I told him that I had heard that once and that as a health and whole foods advocate, I would have to be in favor of any natural method of getting vitamins and minerals.
Maybe that’s why he likes me…
While this all made for a very interesting bar conversation, I decided that as a health and weight loss blogger, I ought to research the issue and share. I did what any good non-journalistically trained hack of a health blogger would do. I googled it.

Oh, this is why I get those emails…

What I found was quite interesting indeed. The sources are about as reliable as Justin Bieber’s ability to do basic math, but the information seems to be the consensus and I’m therefore pretending that it makes the information accurate.

“Seminal fluid… is composed of dozens of chemical components. The base of seminal fluid is primarily fructose (sugar) and proteins, with many other trace minerals and substances. Here’s a listing of some of semen’s ingredients:

Sugars: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol

Proteins and amino acids: glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), creatine

Minerals: Phosphorus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium

Vitamins: Ascorbic acid (vitamin C), vitamin B12, choline

Hormones: Testosterone, prostaglandins

Body byproducts: Lactic acid, urea, uric acid, nitrogen…

Semen is a source of highly concentrated, high-quality protein. In dietary terms, it’s comparable to egg whites or gelatin. Besides protein, semen contains high concentrations of some minerals, such as zinc, and trace amounts of other important nutrients, like calcium and magnesium.”

I also found that The Daily Plate has semen in its tracking. Six calories.

And then I giggled like a school girl because I’m mature like that. How can you not laugh when there is an “I ate this” icon?
So my lady friends, take this information and do what you will with it. Let’s all just promise now not to tell the men folk about any of this. And please, don’t say a peep to the boy about this actually being legitimate, he thought I was just being funny. I figure that this information might come in handy some distant rainy day.

*The original source that I “heard” this information from was actually the book “He Comes Next” which is incredibly interesting even if you are the a pure virginal flower. I’m not sure how accurately I reported what the book said because I haven’t picked it up in quite a while. I generally avoid advertising such reading material, though, and make sure it is securely hidden under one of my Dostoevsky novels that are hard to get through and even harder to pick up. You could bench press those suckers.

Leave a Comment October 12, 2010, 3:45 pm

Ha! I am definitely not telling my husband these findings. I'm glad that you found such a dirty, sarcastic humored soul…first dates can get boring without it! And, I will have to check out that book.

Kirsten October 12, 2010, 4:22 pm

I never thought the "spit or swallow" debate could be a nutritional conversation! And yes, this knowledge will definitely stay hidden in my house. 😀

queerveganrunner October 13, 2010, 1:52 am

Kendra, this is exactly WHY I can't gchat with you during work…I would not get anything done. This is brilliant and since I am not a "gold star lesbian" I have definitely participated in this conversation before. Back in the day when I was more observant, I always asked, "yes, but is it kosher?" Now, if I was still engaging in such activities, I would want to know "yes, but is it vegan?"

Anything on lady secretions? Because anything that will get me to meet my minimum daily requirement for riboflavin or boost my metabolism….it would be an added bonus.

Katie October 13, 2010, 3:01 am

In college I had a friend who heard it had a lot of calories so she refused to swallow. Never thought of it as being nutritious but I guess that's an um, bonus? Not exactly dinner conversation but I'll file that one away for next time I'm drinking with my girlfriends! Also- "I ate this" had me giggling for a good ten minutes.

Kendra October 13, 2010, 5:33 am

AJ – I wanted to make a comment about wondering if it is vegan but I didn't know if that would be insensitive douchery. I don't know anything about lady secretions but it would be much more accurate if The Daily Plate had an icon for that one saying "I ate this"… which I still can't stop giggling about.

MelissaNibbles October 13, 2010, 8:18 am

Best post I've read in a LONG time. I'm dying laughing, but this is a serious matter! Swallow for protein!

Lola October 14, 2010, 2:15 am

Ok, laughing about the "I ate this icon". And laughing ironically that MelissaNibbles says "swallow for protein!"

Wait, I know you said 6 calories, but what was a serving? LOLOL.


Rach Wilks October 14, 2010, 3:58 am

I am cracking up at "I ate this!" Ahhhaha.

Rach Wilks October 14, 2010, 4:01 am

PS I definitely do not think it's vegan. Honey isn't vegan…swallowing is straight up cannibalism.

Anonymous October 14, 2010, 5:09 am

When you said "egg whites" all i could think of was scrambled semen for breakfast…haha I hope you laugh.

Kendra October 14, 2010, 5:18 am

OMG Anon, that image made me laugh so hard I almost spit out my water!

Angela October 18, 2010, 3:00 am

Kendra, you are cracking me up!!

I knew it was protein – which is why I tease Bob and say that I need a protein shake. LOL.

Reply October 19, 2010, 1:24 am

I have been wondering for months if semen was vegan. and I just cracked up at the mental image of scrambled semen!