I have a confession, a few actually…

I’ve wanted to use this post title for AGES but didn’t actually have an excuse until now.

I tried to wax once but instead of removing hair, I just ended up with goop stuck to me that I couldn’t get off for days. It stuck to my underwear and so I ended up with multicolored fuzz mixed in with the unremoved hair and goop. It’s a good thing that this was back when no one was seeing my vag. I loved Leah’s story even more because of this.

I’ve never been to the gynecologist.

I wouldn’t even let my doctor examine me below the waist or above the knees.

Some of you understand, I’m sure.

I couldn’t let anyone touch me, not even a doctor.

I’ve healed, though, and now I need to take the plunge, get a pap smear, get examined, and get birth control of some sort (besides condoms, of course). I want an IUD.

I think that I’m going to take you all through it too. Don’t worry, I won’t be gross. It’s part of my recovery process which means that it’s part of my weight loss process. It also scares me just thinking about it. For real, my hands are shaking. It feels like a situation where I’m not in control and I’m terrified of loss of control.

I have a feeling that psychologists out there could have a field day with my blog. AJ?

As frightening as it is, we don’t gain courage and healing through complacency and avoidance so I will go with my poor little shaking hands. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as I dread. Things rarely are.

I have a doctor’s appointment on December 9 to talk about a whole host of things and the aforementioned will be some of those things. My TMI BFF is also making an appointment to do these same things because I’m a coward and told her she had to do it too so I wasn’t alone. She hasn’t done these things either.

It makes me wonder how many women besides the two of us neglect our reproductive and sexual health. I’ve been the worst offender simply because of fear.

So, here are the things that I’m pondering with my appointment a week and two days away. Which pair of underwear should I wear? I mean, almost everything I have is pretty ridiculous. Do I go for the silly just because that’s my daily practice or will that be totally awkward? Maybe I should buy a “normal” pair of underwear just for such events.

Is my own doctor going to do these exams or will I have to see someone else?

How long will I have to wait to get the IUD? How long after that until I can have sex again? I mean, the appointment is on a Thursday, does that put me out of commission for the weekend? I hope not.

Edit: I forgot to add that I have to give credit to Libby for my decision to pursue an IUD. She posted about it a few weeks ago and that was where I learned you could get one before having children. She also posted about the initial insertion (which I didn’t see until today when I was grabbing the first link and is making me think that some serious painkillers might be in store for me if I am going to go that route).

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