Friday night was shaping up to be a “F*ck It Friday” in more ways than one. After an all too stressful day I needed to get out and have some sort of human interaction. The only problem was that ninjas seemed to have kidnapped every person I knew on the face of the planet. I tried to get myself to go home and get some rest but I was just too… restless.
I was feeling all Miley Cyrus, “I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go. I want to be a part of something, I don’t know.” So I decided to do what any reasonable person would do… go to Pioneer Square or the Seattle Waterfront and see what amusements were available. Alone.
If you are freaking out right now, don’t. I know my city and I know how to handle myself.
As I was navigating the post Mariner’s game traffic, the radio was reminding me that all the cool kids in Seattle go to a particular club. I decided that I ought to give into the radio’s peer pressure and go dancing. Exercise and ego boost all in one sweaty package.
Ego boost indeed. I danced with four different guys and all except for one of them tried to get me to go into the bathroom with them. The last one just tried to take me home. One of them seemed to think that I was drunk and stupid. Neither were true. He also tried to get me to drink more (I declined) and kept grabbing my hand and trying to put it on his junk. It really isn’t a smart thing to wear jeans that are tight enough that someone can feel the exact outline of you less than impressively sized said junk.
True, it was an ego boost but also really annoying. I really just wanted to dance and guys really just wanted to pull me off the dance floor. On my way home “In My Head” by Jason Derulo came on the radio and I decided to blame him. Thus began the vendetta. Here’s how I feel about his song.
Jason Derulo Nice to meet you?
Everybody’s looking for love. Oh. Oh. Okay, to this I concede…
Ain’t that the reason you’re at this club. Oh. Oh. Actually, no.I just want to dance.
You ain’t gonna find it dancing with him. No. Oh. Fine by me, I like his rhythm.
Got a better solution for you girl. Oh. Oh. No thanks
Just leave with me now. Say the word and we’ll go. I think I’ll stay
I’ll be your teacher, I’ll show you the ropes. Not a snowball’s chance in Hell
You’ll see a side of love you’d never know. You mean the one where I end up with crabs?
I can see it going down, going down. The word delusional comes to mind…
In my head, I see you all over me. In my head, I see you leaving me alone
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy. No, I will not go with you to the bathroom
In my head, You’ll be screaming ohhhh Me? Or the Voices in your head?
I even wrote a rebuttal song and clearly my true calling in life is to be a song writer. It takes some time to break into that industry though. I guess I’ll keep my day job… or my night job (it’s nice to have options).
Now, imagine a techno beat if you will, add some bass, I love bass… and maybe some cowbell.
It’s Friday night and I’m all alone. Oh oh.
The last place I want to be right now is home. Oh no.
I just want to move and grab some rum. Uh huh.
So I head to the club to have some fun. Fu-un.
I’m just here to dance (dance dance dance) *The parentheses is a fading echo*
I ain’t looking for romance (mance mance mance)
No you won’t get in my pants (pants pants pants)
And watch where you put your hands (hands hands hands)
I think that I just made Mozart proud.
Despite the annoyances, it was still a good night because I got to feel good about using my body to rock it (in a tank top) and didn’t worry about what I looked like (i.e. like a cracked out dancing monkey).
How’s your confidence levels? Are you rocking it?
P.S. If I hear my song on the radio I will come after whoever jacks this masterpiece.