About a week ago I was on the phone with Sugar Muffin and she was kind enough to conduct a Google experiment for me so that I didn’t alert the filters at work and get fired. I wanted to know what would come up if you Googled sexy as apposed to fat and sexy. I was pretty sure that I knew the answer but Sugar Muffin was kind enough to indulge me (incidentally, I wonder what you get if you Google Sugar Muffin). There was really nothing noteworthy in the results for sexy, but the results for fat and sexy retrieved a whole host of fetish sites.

I’ve been wondering for quite a while, can fat girls be sexy?

Let’s take a moment to define fat; it’s such a subjective term. I’m not talking about someone who is just a little larger, I mean someone with an unhealthy body fat percentage. Someone my size.

Sexy is also such a subjective term that it’s hard to pin down what does and doesn’t qualify. It’s not only a personal measurement but a cultural one. In days of yore, the fatter a woman the more attractive she was. In parts of the world today fat is venerated. The question, though, that I am posing is: in our culture and our time can fat also be sexy?

This is a question I’ve wondered about both on a personal level and on a societal level. When I’m out with people or dancing at a club does anyone think that I am sexy? What about beautiful, pretty, or desirable? It isn’t just about me, though. Individual opinions always have a larger societal effect and vice versa.

If society says that fat girls are sexy than individuals will think that I am too. But does our society say that? The size acceptance movement does. Do I believe it? No. I realize that in the weight loss blog community this is not a popular opinion and that many of you will disagree with me. Good, that creates a healthy conversation.

I am most definitely in favor of loving your body, embracing your flaws, and not being ashamed of yourself but I don’t think that it’s healthy to pretend that unhealthy is sexy. In fact, it seems just as bad as some of the historic ideals of beauty.

Think of the iconic corset clad Victorian woman, or the pale, consumptive, woman of the romance period, or of the tan anorexic of our current time. These are just as poor as a model for sexy as obese is.

I worry that such a movement, rather than lending support for a healthy body image, will lend itself to an acceptance of an unhealthy lifestyle instead. Then again, maybe it’s just another step in moving toward a healthy view of sexy.

What do you think?

Just after posing the question on Twitter (you can follow me @KendraForrest) I received a few responses that I think are noteworthy. @ZenLizzie said, “I don’t think fat or lack of fat is what makes people sexy. So it CAN be, but fat as an element doesn’t make people sexy.” Good point. There is certainly an internal something that makes people sexy. Confidence, vivaciousness, quirkiness, zest, inner strength, and so many more traits also contribute to how sexy a person is.

After a few weeks of thinking through what I wanted to say in this post it’s still come out is jumbled as my thoughts on the subject. Organized or not, I’d be quite interested to hear what others are thinking.

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Fat Girl vs. World July 27, 2010, 6:20 pm

I think you should also make a differentiation between people who think fat is sexy and those who fetishize fat.

There's a huge difference…

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Fat Girl vs. World July 27, 2010, 6:20 pm

I think you should also make a differentiation between people who think fat is sexy and those who fetishize fat.

There's a huge difference…

Reply
zenlizzie July 27, 2010, 6:34 pm

I am larger than most people, but I still feel sexy a lot of the time. It doesn't make me want to stay this weight or make unhealthy choices, because I think I'll be sexy thinner too. And I'll be healthy and taking care of myself, and BOTH of those things are sexy.
I'm sure a lot of people have been driven to get healthy because they feel like crap about themselves, but I think you can be successful by being driven to get healthy because you actually like yourself and want to treat yourself well too.

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zenlizzie July 27, 2010, 6:34 pm

I am larger than most people, but I still feel sexy a lot of the time. It doesn't make me want to stay this weight or make unhealthy choices, because I think I'll be sexy thinner too. And I'll be healthy and taking care of myself, and BOTH of those things are sexy.
I'm sure a lot of people have been driven to get healthy because they feel like crap about themselves, but I think you can be successful by being driven to get healthy because you actually like yourself and want to treat yourself well too.

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aperfectversionofmyself July 27, 2010, 7:30 pm

I agree with Fat Girl Vs World up there. There's a huge difference between something being sexy and something being a fetish – which is why I never looked for love in those communities when I was larger. I figured that being loved because you're fat is just as bad as being hated because you're fat.

I think happiness is sexy. If you are happy and confident AND fat, then I have a feeling you're pretty sexy. I think that's why men who are larger still have sex appeal, they're simply more at home and confident in their bodies.

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aperfectversionofmyself July 27, 2010, 7:30 pm

I agree with Fat Girl Vs World up there. There's a huge difference between something being sexy and something being a fetish – which is why I never looked for love in those communities when I was larger. I figured that being loved because you're fat is just as bad as being hated because you're fat.

I think happiness is sexy. If you are happy and confident AND fat, then I have a feeling you're pretty sexy. I think that's why men who are larger still have sex appeal, they're simply more at home and confident in their bodies.

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Lola July 27, 2010, 9:51 pm

I really kind of agree with zenlizzie. Sexyness to me is not defined by size, per se. Or really, by any certain look. Sexiness is an attitude almost a sort of x factor.

There are tons of people that I find "attractive" or "sexy" or that "I would do" (LOL!) but its not usually because of how they look, more how they are…confidence, humor — and sometimes just an X factor.

:o)

(do you love how I spelled sexiness 2 different ways up there? they both looked wrong to me. Maybe I'm just tired. ARRRGH!)

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Lola July 27, 2010, 9:51 pm

I really kind of agree with zenlizzie. Sexyness to me is not defined by size, per se. Or really, by any certain look. Sexiness is an attitude almost a sort of x factor.

There are tons of people that I find "attractive" or "sexy" or that "I would do" (LOL!) but its not usually because of how they look, more how they are…confidence, humor — and sometimes just an X factor.

:o)

(do you love how I spelled sexiness 2 different ways up there? they both looked wrong to me. Maybe I'm just tired. ARRRGH!)

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Alan July 27, 2010, 10:29 pm

I personally find women of all body types sexy, it just depends on the woman. I at times find myself extremely attracted to both larger and smaller woman. It just depends on how she carries herself and her personality.

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Alan July 27, 2010, 10:29 pm

I personally find women of all body types sexy, it just depends on the woman. I at times find myself extremely attracted to both larger and smaller woman. It just depends on how she carries herself and her personality.

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Amy July 28, 2010, 2:46 am

I have about 40lbs to lose, but most would never notice my size. Every guy whom I've discussed looks with (not mine, but in general)do comment and say that my confidence far surpasses anything else and it's what people notice.

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Amy July 28, 2010, 2:46 am

I have about 40lbs to lose, but most would never notice my size. Every guy whom I've discussed looks with (not mine, but in general)do comment and say that my confidence far surpasses anything else and it's what people notice.

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Alchemy of Fitness July 28, 2010, 5:31 pm

I dont think Ive ever left so many comments on any one page, haha.
I was always super skinny growing up. I noticed the curvier girls around me just seemed so comfortable in their skin (I know its more complicated than that)- One of my best friends in highschool was technically overweight- but she was and still is one of the most beautiful women I know! Its like the Sophia lauren and audrey hepburn thing- Sophia- buxom, audrey- waif. Audrey said being around sophia mad her feel insecure and almost like a boy. Men would go crazy for sophia lauren- I know shes not overweight- but thats how my curvier friens made me feel. Gorgeuos women come in all shapes- and I agree with the above- comfort and confidence in one's body is paramount to true beauty. Never letting others opinions dictate to you how beautiful you are. Becoming other's perceptions of you can make you either incredibley artificial or incredibley neurotic.

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Alchemy of Fitness July 28, 2010, 5:31 pm

I dont think Ive ever left so many comments on any one page, haha.
I was always super skinny growing up. I noticed the curvier girls around me just seemed so comfortable in their skin (I know its more complicated than that)- One of my best friends in highschool was technically overweight- but she was and still is one of the most beautiful women I know! Its like the Sophia lauren and audrey hepburn thing- Sophia- buxom, audrey- waif. Audrey said being around sophia mad her feel insecure and almost like a boy. Men would go crazy for sophia lauren- I know shes not overweight- but thats how my curvier friens made me feel. Gorgeuos women come in all shapes- and I agree with the above- comfort and confidence in one's body is paramount to true beauty. Never letting others opinions dictate to you how beautiful you are. Becoming other's perceptions of you can make you either incredibley artificial or incredibley neurotic.

Reply
Desiree July 28, 2010, 7:13 pm

I had my first kiss at 200 pounds, lost "it" (TMI? lol) at 210, got married at 220…I have never had a problem getting dates, and in fact up until I got engaged I had my choice of any guy or girl I wanted (not to say I took up even 3/4 of the offers I got lol point is I COULD have)…the point is, being fat (and I am and have always been) doesn't mean you can't be sexy…it's all about self- confidence 🙂

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Desiree July 28, 2010, 7:13 pm

I had my first kiss at 200 pounds, lost "it" (TMI? lol) at 210, got married at 220…I have never had a problem getting dates, and in fact up until I got engaged I had my choice of any guy or girl I wanted (not to say I took up even 3/4 of the offers I got lol point is I COULD have)…the point is, being fat (and I am and have always been) doesn't mean you can't be sexy…it's all about self- confidence 🙂

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Kat August 3, 2010, 1:41 pm

I love this because I think about it all the time…I've always assumed that I got passed over for dates because I was so much larger than my friends, but maybe I was just projecting my own insecurities on other people and wrongly assuming how they perceived me. If I wasn't concerned with how people saw me and only focused on myself, I'd feel a lot more sexy. It's hard to tease out your own perceptions from society's perceptions and other individuals' perceptions, so I end up assuming I'm "not sexy" because "fat = ugly" even though sometimes I do feel sexy on my own.

Would you mind if I added a link to this post on my "Society Series" page? It's a bunch of posts where people have addressed the link between weight/health/fitness and society

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Kendra August 3, 2010, 3:06 pm

@Kat

Absolutely! Anyone can feel free to link the hell out of this post.

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