Probably don’t do it.
Or do, and then post about it.
Last night I knew that I had to get back in the gym and get running again. I wanted to work out my feelings without actually, you know, feeling them…
The hitch in the plan came when I found out that I was going to dinner with my family which is an occasion that demands at least one stiff drink. Last night it required three.
Alas, I live just down the street from my gym and it was no problem to go anyway and run off my angst. I petulantly informed my family that I was, in fact, still going running and that I would be back shortly.
So, off I went; sparkly headband in hair and running gear on.
The first five minutes were a frickin breeze. I mean, wow, you have no idea how much easier that warm-up part of the run is when you’re… um… hydrated? Or something like that…
You might start texting friends while running, multitasking is EASY!
You also might not realize that you are, in fact, singing aloud to your playlist. Why hello creepy old guy in the corner. Yes, I am singing Bad Romance to you, and I mean it.
The next few minutes you start to feel a little less awesome…
Your drunk-running texts might start to get a little more crabby.
You might start to want to swallow the contents of your water bottle in one gulp.
You might get a leg cramp.
Ten minutes in you might start to realize that this was a bad idea.
It might have been the three Sex on the Beaches that you drank while suffering the comments of your family for ordering, or it could be the too little food eaten for the last two weeks, or it could even be that you haven’t really slept for the same said time. Come to think of it, that severe Vitamin D deficiency might also have something to do with the CRAMP in your right leg.
Either way, you might start to realize that this was a poorly planned run.
But you push on because you are a badass bitch like that. Keep calm and carry on or some shit like that.
And then you might hit that point of doneness. There’s no coming back from doneness and all you can really do is slow down and move on to your cool down and hope that none of the gym staff realize that you were just a major insurance liability and kick your ass out.
So, you might only get twenty minutes in your run this time around before you stumble into the showers and decide that the only proper way to make up for the ten minutes cut off the run is to go dancing.
You know, now that you’re finally properly sober and all, surely it’s a good idea to drive to Pioneer Square and dance on a work night only to get there and find out that Thursday nights bring out all the rave kids and that there isn’t a hip hop beat to be found for miles.
Bad hair and plaid? Plenty.
You may also end up giving your number to the after hours party planner who you realize after the fact is the drug hook up. Quality.
Dude, I opened this in a separate window to comment on the other day…but then I got drunk and went running and forgot.
Seriously though, I canNOT believe nobody has commented on how much they love this post yet! I'm actually wondering if my browser is just not refreshing correctly… I'll assume that's the case.
Also, I love your blog. And I think if you and I met in person, we'd have fun!