You know that I’m a total creature of habit, right?

It takes me serious effort to deviate from a routine once it’s established. So, um, what’s a girl to do when she’s got a broken toe and can’t run?

Gulp… try new things?!?!?!?

Oh shit.

Well, either that or I could just do nothing for six weeks and lose a good deal of the ground I’ve gained in the arena of physical fitness. Clearly that would be an awesome option.

Not.

So, what can I do that won’t hurt my knobbly little toes?

Let’s look at a few…

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Exercise: Swimming

Excuse for not doing it: I know this defies every fat girl stereotype but the bathing suit issue doesn’t even bother me. It’s the whole “I can’t breathe underwater” thing that feels a bit more worrisome. Did you know that I have a fear of suffocation? Well, now you do. I also seem to lack the ability to swim straight. I also don’t have goggles. And what will the pool do to my hair?

Why I should do it anyway: Zero toe impact and one hell of a workout. The ability to stand up in a pool also nullifies the validity of the whole “I can’t breathe” issue.

The game plan: Go buy some goggles tonight. New things always excite me and the guilt of spending money will then make me feel obligated to actually try swimming. Guilt is obviously the perfect motivator.

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Exercise: The Rowing Machine

Excuse for not doing it: The last time I went up against the rower it kicked my ass. I hate it. HATE. IT. It’s hard and makes my limbs feel all kinds of jellified.

Why I should do it anyway: The fact that it’s hard and makes me feel jellified is exactly why I should do the rower. Clearly I have some work to do on the muscles used for this sucker. In addition, my massage therapist once told me that I should use the rower because it would help break up my scar tissue more effectively and help decrease my pain.

The game plan: Whine, bitch, moan, and complain to my mother while I’m getting ready. Tweet petty complaints. Start with a few minutes at a time and work up from there. I’ll probably need to pretend that I’m rowing furiously away from Ursula.

What? She scared the shit out of me as a child. It didn’t help that my step-grandmother totally reminded me of her. Just imagine Ursula in a poncho. Precisely.

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Exercise: Stationary Bike

Excuse for not doing it: It hurts my butt and it’s boring.

Why I should do it anyway: It won’t hurt my toes.

The game plan: I’m not going to. I already have a hurt foot; I don’t also need a hurt butt. Yes, I’m a brat and might backtrack on this but whatever.

* * * * *

Exercise: Strength Training

Excuse for not doing it: There is none. This is not a new activity for me and there’s no pretending-to-be-valid excuse that I can come up with for this one. Actually, I do have one whiny tidbit to add. I’ve been working really hard at planks and now I can’t! Excuse me while I sob in my tea.

Why I should do it anyway: You mean besides the thrill of easily picking up something that a guy tells me will probably be too heavy for me? Strength training helps facilitate pretty much every other activity in life. Besides, muscles are hot.

The game plan: I have to replace a few of my usual exercises with new ones because how they require me to bend my toes. It’s an opportunity to learn some new things and expand my repertoire.

* * * * *

Exercise: Stair Stepper

Excuse for not doing it: I could should do swear at myself just for thinking of this one. I hate this machine even more than I hate the rowing machine. It’s just plain sadistic. You get to the top of the stairs and it starts moving. Suddenly, you have the choice of climbing or falling off the bottom step that suddenly tilts and disappears. I’m pretty sure that these treadmill stair steppers were created in the seventh circle of hell.

Why I should do it anyway: Strong legs and a perky butt come to mind.

The game plan: The last time I did ten minutes on the stair stepper I really didn’t think I could make it. I kept the tempo slow but that sucker is HARD. Just like the rower, I have to start with a small amount of time and work my way up. How do I talk myself into it? Look at my legs. That’s pretty much all it will take.

So, any other torture devices exercises you can think of that won’t hurt my little piggies? How do you get yourself to do exercises you hate and /or try new things?