Dear Lady in the Diner,

I was having Mother’s Day breakfast with my mother; I assume you were doing the same with your children (unless of course you were just renting them for show). I’m sorry that I spoiled your view in the Podunk little diner at Snoqualmie Pass Lodge. I know, I’m fat and I shouldn’t be eating. I realize that this is highly offensive to skinny people and that every bite I eat only keeps me fat longer. You’re right; I should just stop eating altogether. I hope that it was some consolation that I declined the “all you can eat” buffet and had an omelet and pancakes instead. I also hope that you did enjoy your overpriced, heart attack inducing buffet.

I suppose that your one consolation is that your children (rented or not) were sitting on the other side of the table and didn’t have a view of me. Instead they had the fortune to stare at the antler chandelier. On behalf of all of the fat people in the world, I’m sorry that we exist. I apologize for the eyesore that we are. I’m sorry that you’re such a judgmental bitch and that your life is bitter enough that it bothers you to see a fat girl eating. I hope you never have this traumatic experience again.

Kendra

I fought with myself a bit about whether or not to post this but I decided it was more worthwhile than just me getting my bitching out. How many of you out there have had this similar experience. My guess is that 90% of you and that the other 10% just didn’t notice it. Now I’m not going to get all fat vs. skinny here, that’s not my soapbox of the day. This week the theme of feeling good in your skin and loving (and respecting) yourself where you are is on my mind, you may have noticed. So, how do you keep feeling good when others are getting in the way?

There’s always the old “keep your head up high and don’t care what others say,” but I do care what others say. I’m a social creature and people matter to me. The judgmental looks and comments of others do hurt. Don’t lie to yourself, it affects everyone. So, without further adieu, here is my (hopefully not trite) advice on keeping your swagger.

1. Their Life Probably Sucks: If a person is bitter just at seeing you or being judgmental about something that has no affect whatsoever on them, their life probably sucks and they are probably a bitter, lonely miser. Their punishment is their life. This knowledge was one of the things that got me through one of the hardest parts of my life. I was a teenager and one of the members of my household was ALWAYS (and I really mean always, not an exaggeration) going on about what a piece of crap I was. I was too fat, ugly, lazy, bitchy, selfish, short, loud, stupid, spoiled, bitter, etc. I started to cope when I realized that I was not actually provoking this anger, it was that person’s own misery that created it and I was an easy target.

2. Be Self Aware: Know Thyself (Who said that???) I know exactly where my fat rolls are, I know what the parts of my body look like; I know what my clothes are hiding. I have an accurate assessment of myself. Sometimes in the glare of a judgmental look or comment I forget it all for a moment but not so much anymore. I know where I am in my weight loss progress and where I’ve been. I know that I look and feel much better than I did last year. I am honest with myself about myself and so there’s no fantasy bubble to burst.

3. Don’t Obsess: Stop playing the comments in your head again and again and listen to some Lady Gaga. You’ll feel perfectly normal again compared to her. Seriously though, there’s one weird chick who knows how to rock it. Not obsessing could really be my blanket piece of advice for pretty much everything.

4. Avoid Backlash Responses: I know that people will tell you to put on your stilettos and makeup and show the world how fabulous you are but don’t… This makes you look like a reactive fool. If you want to put on your stilettos and makeup for other reasons then absolutely go for it but if it’s just as a reaction to something like that, it’s just fake and won’t give you the results you really want. PS: Alcohol is not your friend right now.

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Lola May 20, 2010, 10:58 am

Ha ha. Ok, well, I also think it has to do with how you are feeling about YOUR own self (what you notice).

I think you read my cinco de mayo post…well, anywya, that day I wore this dress and heels and got all dressed up to go to work. I never posted about this but while at work, in a meeting I made a casual comment like "why the long faces! Its Cinco de Drinko. Perfect time holiday. Time for celebrating without gifting obligations and being nice to your local Mexican, like me!" Again, this was a very casual comment, because I am a casual type of a person.

Girl, they went off. Not aimed at me, but they went on about some protest that was going on by the Mexican community outside of a a baseball game due to the Arizona laws. I am not a news junkie or even a person that is aware of anything because I am a moron (ha!) so I had no clue what they were talking about. BUT, they started started saying things like "why don't we just ship them all back?" "immigration should go to the game and take their van" etc, etc. they they said "well, we're not talking about you Lola because you aren't an illegal."

OMG. I was fuming. But remember, I'm casual so I don't like to stir the pot. I said, "No, you aren't talking about me, but you are talking about my mother, my aunt, my cousins, etc."

They they started saying things like "is that why you are all dressed up? You going to the protest?"

I cannot properly convey how pissed off I was. I ended the meeting (I was running it.) and said something like "come on guys, we gotta rap this up. I gotta go downtown to support my people." hardy har har, mother fuckers. Ahem.

ANYWAY, the point of all of that is to tell you that for lunch that day I went with a friend to taco bell. While I was eating, here I was sitting in my pretty gray dress with my crazy sexy heels. Some man (he happened to be white) was staring at me and I swear I felt like he was staring at me like he hated me, like I didn't belong.

I automatically thought and felt he was staring at me because I was Mexican, etc. Was he really? Who knows? Maybe my boobs were showing and THAT's what he was staring at. But I was so pre-occupied because of what had happened that morning, that THAT is what I assumed. See?

So, maybe hater girl was really hating on you. Or, maybe you felt a little slightly guilty about eating a pancake and you starting seeing things. I don't know which way it really was, but I hope you get what I mean. (and I hope you don't think Im trying to be mean and tell you that you didn't see what you saw.)

And I know you are dying for this comment to end. HAHAAHAHAHA

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