I knew the effer was back too soon. I was feeling a little lousy yesterday and still feeling that way this morning so I decided to sleep in obscenely late. I finally flung myself up and out of bed because I had to peeee. I do this on a semi regular basis, the only way I can make myself get up in the mornings, often, is to acknowledge that one way or another my bladder will empty itself.
I have the choice of the location.
GET UP AND RUN TO THE POTTY NOW!!!
Afterwards, I generally can’t fall asleep again so it is an effective strategy. This morning… er… afternoon… I did this usual ritual and found that my period is back. It just felt like way too soon. I am bad at remembering these things, though, so remembering that I had blobged about it before, I went back for a look.
Bloody Hell, it’s only been two weeks. From all that I’ve read I’m going to have to lower my expectations for what the scale will tell me this week because of water retention. Maybe I shouldn’t weigh myself at all? No, I will, but I am determined not to be crushed by the number that appears. I am giving it three weeks before I become a puddle of emotional goop.
I don’t know yet how next week will look either because it is my sister’s birthday and I will break the rules that day if we do something with her. If not, I’ll be good, but since I am not telling my family about what I am doing (the reasons for this are complicated and perhaps I will explain another day) and since I don’t want to blemish someone else’s occasion with my own food issues, I will just make it a free meal/day or however much time is spent with her.
If I do break phase one, I will start over on phase one. It isn’t like it is a difficult temporary eating plan. In fact, it’s much less constrictive than the lent plan I did a few years back that I thoroughly enjoyed. Admittedly, though, I enjoy getting to eat meat much more.
Overall today has been quite a good day. I went to my mother’s briefly to say hello and she once again tried to offer me bad food. She had already started preparing it before I got there. I appreciate her trying to be nice and all but I can tell that she will be one of the first people to unintentionally sabotage my efforts.
No I do not want a soda, no I do not want some sweet tea vodka, no I do not want any mead, no I do not want any double fudge brownie ice cream, no I do not want any lasagna, thank you though. Yes, I am sure.
She did end up giving me a big box of boneless, skinless chicken breasts which made me literally do a happy dance. I’m so happy to have a real supply of meat now.
This might sound very strange, but after a week of eating like this, I feel like I see the world and experience the world a little clearer. It’s like there has been a haze over me for such a long time and it’s lifting now. How cheesy does that sound? It’s true though. It almost seems as if I’ve only been functioning on 50% on good days and maybe 20% on bad days and now I’m up to 80% or so. I only give myself 80% because I am 100% sure that it’s going to keep getting better.
Anyway, I’m stocked for the upcoming week and looking forward scared half to death by the impending weigh in.