Oh look, I exist again!

In my time as an internet ghost (while swearing like a sailor every time I once again fucked up the site, oy veh), I spent a lot of time thinking about why I’m here. No, not on planet earth, I’m pretty sure that was just a fluke. After all, I was my mother’s “special surprise” which is tact-speak for “accident.” No, I was thinking about my little blog here and the original point of it.

Here’s how it really went down. As I was drinking and hanging out with my web analyst friend I let it slip that I write a blog. Somewhere along the lines the words “Skanky Tuesday” might have slipped out of my mouth and it all went downhill from there. By downhill, I mean that he started quizzing me on my stats, readership, etc. My answers, of course, were somewhere along the lines of, “Remember? I’m incompetent. I have no idea.”

I explained to him that I’m not a big blogger and that being a big blogger was never the point for me. Suddenly, I was articulating my exact reasons for starting this blog that I don’t think I’ve ever quite done here.

November 2009: At Thanksgiving with two of my oh so beautiful sisters, I realized how much I didn’t like myself and I knew I needed to change. A few days later I found The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl (still my blog hero) and Pasta Queen. After reading the entirety of each blog (does that make me creepy?), I decided that I was starting one too.

December 2009: I created my silly domain name. Really, could I have chosen a longer name? What a dumbass… Anyway, I got the blog set up, chose a design that I later hated and changed, and had absolutely nothing to write about.  December 31 I decided that if I didn’t start now I probably never would so I wrote a completely uninspired post and made it look like my blog was a New Year’s Resolution blog which annoys me.

Figuring that I would gain approximately zero readers ever, I didn’t bother with things like spell check or proper grammar. I still don’t do proper grammar… case and point.

What I wanted and why I started the blog was the hypothetical audience. I didn’t need a real one. I wanted that hypothetical audience so that I would have the possibility of someone seeing my failure. I figured that both my weight loss and blogging attempts would fail in a month but I also figured that if I pretended that people were taking notice, I might have a prayer of not failing.

I still thought I would fail, though.

I was about accountability, not community or fame. I’m bad at community. I’m not naturally a networker. I have no idea how to make connections with people online. I’ve fumbled and bumbled my way through that part. Actually, I’ve fumbled and bumbled my way through every part of this blog and weight loss but that’s beside the point.

I also realized that if I was successful, the story was important. Those struggling with weight issues need to hear the stories of those who have been successful. If it hadn’t been for Shauna’s and Jennette’s story, I wouldn’t have believed that I could do it. I’ve always believed in the power of a person’s story (blame Bible school) and so I wanted to share mine.

Oh, and I wanted a book deal.

Which will never happen.

Oh well.

I’ve been so lucky along the lines, though, to “meet” people who are good at community, connections, and networking who have become friends. It’s a pretty awesome thing when readers become friends and that people have actually taken notice of my blog. I feel really blessed for the community, texting buddies (sorry for the drunk texts), and all that I’ve gotten out of this silly little blog that I started just because I wanted a hypothetical audience.

It’s good to be back.