Do you ever have those days where your brain just doesn’t process information properly and in a timely manner? I’ve been having that day for about four months.

I’ve always felt that sleep is more or less the most important part of a healthy lifestyle. Nothing else works correctly without enough of it and you will literally die without it.

For the first time in my life I’ve started wearing concealer on a daily basis because my under eyes are so dark. If the problems with my brain function and vanity weren’t enough, the fact that I’ve stopped losing weight definitely has motivated me to try and do something about my sleepy self.

So, I tried working out harder. I just got really sore and cramped up. I tried taking melatonin. I could fall asleep but not stay asleep or really rest. I tried drinking a lot. I woke up feeling a little less than good. I tried relaxation exercises. I couldn’t concentrate through them. I tried milk before bed. I like milk but… nothing. I tried reading before bed. I’d finish the book without realizing that hours had gone by. I tried eating walnuts before bed. I didn’t really like them. I tried eating turkey before bed. It felt pointless.

The problem, though, is not that I can’t fall asleep or that my body doesn’t want to sleep, it’s that I have trouble relaxing. I tense up in my sleep and wake up in some strange contortion or squeezed so tightly that I can’t undo myself without some effort.

I’d be suspicious that my sleeping self is having some very strange adventures, but I think that my sleeping self is just too tired to make the effort.

So, I’ve decided that maybe its time to go see my doctor. I haven’t seen him for over a year and a half and he’ll certainly be pleasantly surprised that I’ve lost weight. I know which medication has worked for me in the past and I can ask for it again. Here’s the problem, though, it’s a narcotic.

Am I the only one who feels guilty asking my doctor for narcotics? I feel like a teenager trying to trick my parents into giving me things they shouldn’t. I have no intention of using it for any recreational or ill purposes but it still makes me nervous to ask.

It makes me nervous because my family has a history of drug abuse and that makes me feel guilty by association. I have a track record of responsibility with such medications but knowing that I kind of like how I feel on this medicine exacerbates the feeling of guilt by association.

If I want a full night’s sleep, though, this might have to be one of those times where I just have to get over my issues and ask for what I need. The worst that can happen: he’ll say no.

Feeling rested is worth that risk.

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