Ever have a dream that makes you wake up and think, “I hate my life, I’m going back to sleep…”? I had one of those last night. These dreams generally come with events such as me learning to fly. I have such dreams every once in a while and then wake up wishing that I really could fly. Maybe I’ll just go hang gliding and feel all better. Back to the point, last night I had a skinny dream. Well, not totally skinny but a sort of reduced chubby dream. In the dream I was trying on dresses and I suddenly looked in the mirror and saw that I was skinny, still a little chunky in certain places, but still skinny. My arms especially were tiny. Does anyone else have dreams like this when losing weight?

It caused one of those “I hate my life” moments, except that this was more of a “I hate my body, I’m going back to sleep…” morning. I proceeded to stare at myself naked in the mirror for about twenty minutes trying to remind myself how far I’ve come already. I may not be thin yet but I am making serious progress. I can already cross my legs again, something that was completely impossible 12 weeks ago. I don’t normally feel like I did this morning and I’m already feeling back to my normal, but it’s just one of those moments where I am reminded how much work and time I have left before I get there.

I try no to think about ho far I have to go or what I will look like in the end because it only makes me antsy. Apparently even if I haven’t been consciously thinking about it, my subconscious has. I don’t know about most people but in dreams my concept of myself is a bit hazy. I never really see myself. I know that in generally my dreams feature a not fat me, but it isn’t pointedly not fat, just sort of undefined if that makes any sense. I haven’t thought much at all about what I will look like thin. Maybe that’s because I am pretty sure I will have a good deal of extra skin that I will need removed and super deflated boobs. I’m trying to just take this whole thing one day and one pound at a time.

Oh, yesterday I forgot to add my goals for the week. Last week I had to alter my goals because I am having some shoulder problems so I couldn’t do weights because I still do primarily upper body weights. I also only did a mini rowing session because it also hurt to do. I did run twice and make my bedtime and I also added eggplant, cauliflower, and lentils to my veg list. Bravo there!

This Week:
1) Try the elliptical
2) Try a bike
3) Do the rower
4) Get into the steam room at least twice to help my shoulder
5) Weights once, without arms and shoulders if my shoulder is still sketchy
6) Add some new vegetables again
7) Bed time at 9:30 again
8) Take bus to work three times

I know that’s alot of goals, but it’s also more specific with my workouts than normal. I need to make sure that my shoulder is okay and the weights and impact of running is only making it worse.

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