Once again I was really surprised to see a loss on the scale this week, especially one this big. Last week I attributed it to cutting down on dairy and getting more sleep. This week I didn’t do either of those things the few days preceding my weigh-in.
In addition to that, I had a drink with a friend last night after I finally left work, far too late. Usually the day after I’ve had anything to drink, whether it be one or… never mind, I gain some weight that takes a day or two to go away. I’m not exactly sure what changed to make me suddenly start shedding the pounds again, but I’m not at all upset.
As much as I don’t really want to think about it (but I do…), I’m really close to my lowest weight again. It’s exciting, but I’m trying to not focus on it. I have a tendency to fixate on things and then sabotage myself, preventing me from actually achieving the thing I’ve been fixating on.
It’s not like I’m not going to be incredibly excited when I pass it, I just don’t want to think about it until I get there.
Once I’m there, I’ll start posting the total weight lost in the post title again.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it since I regained some of the weight. It wasn’t even that much weight but at the time it felt like such a failure. I didn’t want to acknowledge it anymore than I had to.
So, I’m 6.4lbs away from my lowest weight and I’m okay with that. As I said at the beginning of this year, I don’t mind sticking around this weight so that I can continue to get my head and my life together. It was hard when I found myself back up at 244.4lbs. It felt awful to realize that I had regained 26 of my hard lost pounds (more than 10% of my body weight) but I had to pick myself up and dust myself off.
With 19.6 of those pounds gone again, it doesn’t feel so awful anymore. And, hey, getting to say that I’m down 71.2lbs from my high is no small thing. That still feels amazing.
So, this might be sounding a little bit like a “I’m not obsessing!… but watch me obsess,” kind of thing but I honestly am happy with where I am right now and the progress I’m making.
It’s healthier this time around, anyway.
So, let’s talk goals!
1) Get enough sleep again – I did really well with this until Sunday night. I’d spent most of the day working on my new layout for Jogging In Stilettos when just before I was supposed to go to bed, I messed up something in the PHP code and broke the whole thing. I couldn’t just leave it that way; I had to fix it. I ended up being up until around midnight finding and fixing the error. The next night I did almost exactly the same thing so on Monday night I was up until after 12:45 when I finally re-uploaded an older version of the code and called it a night. I still haven’t found the source of that error.
Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time I broke my website, I’d have enough money to pay someone to write the stupid code for me!
But, I think there’s a moral in here about personal satisfaction and self sufficiency… which, of course, I couldn’t care less about when I’m sleep deprived and my website is broken.
I planned to go to bed as early as possible on Tuesday night until, at 4:00pm, I got an email from one of my project managers saying that he needed my help on a proposal. It turns out that by “help” he meant “write it for him” and that it was due today. Needless to say, I was at work until really late last night and continue to be sleep deprived.
2) Make some meals for later – I didn’t make enough for the entire week but I still did a good job on this goal. For almost the whole week I had something I could just pull out of the fridge and microwave or eat cold. I was really glad that I did that. Of course, I’m always glad when I do that. Unfortunately, I ran out of what I had cooked after the weekend and didn’t have time to make another batch of meals. I’m going to have to do that tomorrow.
3) Finish resume – I failed this one completely. I didn’t even touch it. I had intended to work on it over the weekend but I got caught up in editing this site (and in breaking it repeatedly) and didn’t get my resume finished. I hate writing resumes so I need to just get this out of the way and done with so that I can start hating all the cover letters I’ll have to write when I have a resume to apply with. Then I can hate filling out application too. Fun times. Woo.
This Week’s Goals
1) Get rested – After half a week of fail, I need to make this my first goal again. When that “go to bed” alarm goes off at 10:30pm, I’m going to turn everything off… even if I have broken my blog again. I’ve got to value myself and sense of wellness enough to let some things sit for a day if I have to. I also need to let other people do their jobs at work and not be the one who bails people out at the last minute.
2) Finish resume… for real – Seriously, after another late night of doing work that has nothing to do with my job description or pay grade, it’s far passed the time to start looking elsewhere. I need to properly equip myself with the tools to find the right fit and a good resume is at the top of the list those of tools I need. I’m also going to talk to one of my project managers and see if he’ll be willing to be a reference for me.
3) One cup of coffee a day – I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was trying to cut down on my dairy because of the feeling of mental fog I get when I consume too much. I also thought that it was contributing to my lack of weight loss, but obviously that hasn’t been an issue for the past few weeks. Regardless, I still feel less mental clarity when I have too much so I’m going to try to cut it down again. I had way too much coffee over the last few days.
So, that’s my week. What are your goals for this week? Do you have any issues with dairy and brain fog or is it just me because I’m crazy?