On Friday morning I was 217.4lbs… and then came the weekend. Oops.
It’s not like I’m heartbroken or anything, I know that it’s water weight and bloat from the dinners out over the weekend. I ate more bread, pasta, and desert than I have in a long time and I felt the consequence of it right away.
As a result, I spent most of the weekend in a slightly bloated and queasy state. Um… yuck.
Oh, and on Sunday night I decided that I momentarily liked ice cream again and had some. Apparently I still don’t actually really like it.
Between not liking ice cream, chocolate, and chick flicks, even I wonder if I’m a real girl. Though, now that my stomach is small enough to not cover my nether regions I can conclusively report that I am, in fact, a real girl.
Something happened over the last few weeks and I’m not sure exactly how it happened. Perhaps it was simply the unburdening of all that I’ve been holding in for far too long, but seemingly out of nowhere, all the anxiety, tension, and hopeless feelings faded and that sense of joy came back.
It was so gradual that I didn’t really notice it happening but suddenly one night, I realized that I was sitting alone at home with no apprehension about anything. Then, that feeling lasted. I woke up okay, spent a day okay, and went to sleep okay, repeatedly. I cooked meals, did laundry, fixed the broken screen on my laptop, sorted things in boxes, and the okay seemed to continue on.
I hung out with friends, went dancing, spent time with family, hung out with that certain someone, went to job interviews, went shopping, and still the okay lasted.
I’m tentatively going to say that I think the okay is back to stay.
Three things happened that may have strongly influenced the return of the okay. First, I figured out as much of the puzzle as was necessary regarding that night. The pieces finally fit together in my mind even though I still don’t remember most of it. I get it and now I can deal with it properly.
Second, I figured out my own version of running and green tea. Once upon a time The Stoic was in love with me and one night he looked at me and told me that I was like fire. At the time I thought it was really cute but didn’t think that much about it. It’s hard to articulate exactly what that comment ended up meaning to me or what he even meant by it at the time but there’s something to it that sticks with me. I want to be like fire.
I’m not talking about the destructive capability of fire. It’s the lively nature, the warmth, the light it emits, the unpredictable movement, um… the fact that it’s hot… those sorts of qualities that I want to embody. I don’t know what The Stoic was trying to say that night but I got the impression that at least some of that was what he meant.
The third thing that happened was spending a day with Bess from I Dream of Greenie. She’s one of those people that you can have real conversations with about things that matter… with brief interludes about how good the vegan donuts are and how much we love Stevia sweetened soda.
There’s a certain sense of ease when you can just talk about things, jumping back and forth from topic to topic, that permeates all of the topics you touch. Things get put into perspective, the stuff that feels like a huge deal is suddenly matter of fact.
Oddly, in the midst of all of this going on, the weight loss just started to click again. Things started working again. Sans exercise and much of any effort, I’m once again on the decline and that feels really good. Weekend indulgences are a part of the process and despite not getting to come and report an all time low, I feel really good about the progress I’ve been making over the last few weeks because, well, I just plain feel really good, period.
Shall we talk about goals?
This Week’s Goals
1. Drink more water: It’s gotten hot-ish, or at least as hot as it gets here in Seattle and I haven’t been drinking enough water to compensate. I’ve definitely been feeling the dehydration and I don’t really like it.
2. Get my apartment clean: So, pretty much the first thing that happens when I don’t feel on my A-game is that I don’t clean anything. My apartment isn’t actually an objective mess, but it feels like one to me.
3. Walk more: While I’m not actually ready to commit to working out formally yet, or to a certain amount of workouts, I think I’ll make a concerted effort to simply move more.
Okay, so this might be a day late, but what are your goals?
Had a fun time with you as well! Enjoyed our conversation. Thanks for joining me at that concert and man was that nutty french toast donut out of this world.